[Magazine] Nicole's Interview for Esquire Magazine (Jan. 2015) Translations

Nicole, I was suffering alone

Nicole entered the studio while giving a 90 degree greeting with a mask pack covering her face. She is more petite than expected, and behind the mask she doesn't wear any makeup. Whether it's because she lost so much weight or simply because she is tired, she feels quite unfamiliar. Maybe because we have seen her on TV all this time, so it feels different.

Earrings: Codiciar. Knit Dress: Low Classic.

Knit Top: Guy Laroche. Ring: Codiciar. Belt: Agent Provocateur. Stocking: American Apparel.

Brassiere: Agent Provocateur.

Leather Dress: Guy Laroche. Brassiere: Stylist Collection.

Fur Coat: Nohke J. Brassiere: Agent Provocateur. Boots: CH by Carolina Herrera.

"Good Morning, Good Morning."

After hearing the high tone of her voice with slightly clumsy Korean mixed with aegyo, it does feel nice to meet her.

"Do you want to drink coffee?"
"No, thank you. I brought a juice with me."
She answered while putting a straw to a 1 liter detox juice.
"You don't drink coffee? How is that possible? Is it because of skin care? Or it's because you're on a diet. I was drinking that juice too, for 3 days."
"No, I can't drink anything if I'm nervous. That's why I always bring detox juice with me."

She debuted in 2007 as a member of KARA and has maintained the top position continuously. She is also one of the pioneers of Hallyu in Japan, who have succeeded in developing more fans in Japan than in Korea. Is there anything that is able to make her sensitive to the extent that she is unable to eat anything at all?
After leaving KARA, she has released with the title song 'MAMA', yet she doesn't feel different. She is already very popular. However the current trend is for idol group members to have a solo activity at the same time. When a senior singer says she wants to go solo, are there people who will worry and doubt her? 

After hearing how she was worried, we became curious. Indeed, what are her feelings to stand as a solo singer?

"When I started, the stress was not a joke; it was to the extent that I was unable to eat at all. On the first day of my comeback, I caught a cold and even went to the hospital. Even then, I still wasn't recovered completely. I tried to pay more attention and eat better but it wasn't easy."

It was around her third week of promotional activity. Usually 3 weeks is enough for singers to wrap up their promotion period for a song: Even then, her tense condition could still clearly be felt. She was someone that we are familiar with, maybe that's the reason that somehow it felt awkward now (that she was tense/worried). 

"I keep on thinking that I need to do well. Of course everyone thinks like that too. But I had lots of worries. I've been doing group activities for 7-8 years, so that image is very strong. I worried a lot whether I can show people how I've become an independent singer, an independent woman. Even though I have already shown it, I'm worried whether the public will be able to accept it or not. I want to show the image of Nicole who is no longer part of KARA and give them expectations of Nicole (the solo artist). I want to become a solo singer who is able to make people satisfied. I want to hear people say " She is doing well, even as a solo singer". Even though obviously I still have lacking parts.

What do you think about yourself? Have you become used to the solo Nicole?

"I think I'm in the process of adapting to it. I think now I know how to cope with it."

I saw her face when she said that she needs to adapt to being alone. It's been a long time since she debuted, and she is already receiving love from the public. With those reasons, she shouldn't have any worries at all. Yet from that face, I feel a youthful heart. For Nicole who was born in 1991, it feels like she realized that to be a solo singer, it is lonelier than expected. 

"Honestly, I was lonely. When I was in a group, we shared the burdens together. Because they are the people who I had shared my joys and sorrows with for 7-8 years, we understood each other's worries even without saying it. However when I was preparing for my solo album, I felt that if only there was someone who was able to understand my stress and emotions. It felt like no one was able to understand my worries like KARA members. So it felt like I was suffering alone. Until now, right before the release of the album was my most difficult time. I think the burden would be the same for every album. Of course this time could have been more burdensome because it was my first time, but basically I'm expecting that the burden I will need to deal with will be the same."

Top Idol Nicole, someone who never wants to be the second, especially in dance and singing; before becoming an idol, she was just a girl. Honestly, after watching her debut solo song 'MAMA' performance, I thought "as expected from a veteran" and never expected this image behind it. She is able to fill the stage easily even alone. She excitedly monopolized the stage. Girl groups' best dancer or a rapper from a girl group can be counted by fingers. (?) Never expected that kind of girl will have this kind of side to her.

"I tend to cover my face. That's why I can't really talk to others at the TV station. Even if  a junior comes to greet me, the conversation is cut short. It just ends like that. When someone comes to talk or greet me, it's awkward. I want to be comfortable too, but we don't know each other. It's still hard for me."

The girl who was bright and looks without any worries, now it feels like she is inside a tunnel for the sake of becoming mature. It appears like she is trying to shoulder those worries and endure the weight of growing alone. While at that, her interest of things she has never experienced is increasing.

"But right now, it's becoming more interesting. Now I can match well with new people. These days I enjoy being together with the staffs. The dancers, stylists, hair, makeup artist.
Nicole gained some energy right after talking about her staff.

"I cried not too long ago. It was right after getting off the stage, it was because I did not feel satisfied (with the stage). I thought why was I unable to be more professional on the stage and strangely it made me sad. My tears started coming out before I knew it. At the time, the dancers saw me and got surprised so they calmed me down. Even when I already came back (home), they contacted me and comforted me. I felt very thankful at that time. You must want to rest when you come back home after working, yet they still thought of me and worried about me. I was really grateful."

Nicole who debuted as a solo singer, looks like she is finding her own world inside this big world. After reaching out like one who owns the world, Nicole is now going back to her own self. If previously she was enjoying a party with big crowds, right now it feels like she is in the process of calmly learning about herself more. Right now, she will wrap up her promotions soon, it seems like she finding the answers.

"Lately I don't meet with SHINee's Key or SISTAR's Soyou with whom I am close with. All of us are busy so we cheer on each other in our hearts. Instead I go outside with my dogs. We play together for 2-3 hours once a week. Take a walk and sometimes run too. After that we come back home and wash them and give them expensive canned food. I really love my dogs. I uploaded lots of their pictures into Instagram. Actually it's because the thought of the next stage. What should I do to make it feel different, I keep thinking that. Even if I prepare early, I can't express it like I want too. That's why when I have time, I continue listen to my song and think about it (how she can make her stage different)."

Her last words seem to imply her growth. The words "loneliness is your choice" comes to mind. It feels like she is whipping herself for the sake of herself (She's being hard on herself for her own benefit (?)). I believe that she will be able to grow a lot. When this promotion ends, Nicole will be become a Nicole who will be able to stand tall by herself just like her wish. 

Original Source | imagazine

Translated by the awesome yooniqda_

*Since this was a magazine article, the way it is written is a bit confusing so it is difficult to translate.

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